It's been a while.. but that's OK
It's been a while.. but that's ok.
I am going to be honest with you. I stopped this because I got more responses from my posts on Instagram. More people interested, more likes and maybe (just maybe) it was fuelling my ego a little? Along side that I have been working on finding balance within my life.
Balance is a funny thing. Just when you think you have found the right balance, something else is added to the mix and you find yourself trying to juggle life again.
What did I learn from this time away from writing? That when I stop I miss it. Typing up posts on my phone just doesn't carry the same feeling as sitting with my laptop, listening to my intuition slapping me in the face with what I should be writing about. God I've missed that feeling.
How many times have you taken time off from your passion for whatever reason, only to find yourself drawn straight back to it? You were always meant to follow that passion, even when it seemed like the whole world is against you. Pushing through the blocks and pouring even more love into that cup of passion is so rewarding in the long run. Maybe I should take my own advice I hear you say... maybe I should. Maybe I will do just that.
Now I am going to completely flip around what I just said and explore the opposite. Let's take a look on the wonderful spiritual subject of non-attachment if you will. Non-attachment living is allowing to live your life without having any attachment to anything in you life. It is completely freeing and allows you to obtain a life where you are no longer affected by things. Practicing non-attachment has been an important part of my life for the past few months. Knowing that I don't need to depend on anyone or anything, that I can switch up my lifestyle or my life can be shaken completely upside down and yet I can still continue to stay centred and grounded from within.
Life is about going with the flow, you won't always find balance, life won't always go as planned. The best you can do for yourself and your own piece of mind is go with the flow, let whatever happens happen and whatever comes up. This goes hand in hand with non-attachment and is what I aim for every day. It is something that I practice and sometimes don't manage to live out, but every time I don't, I take it as a gentle reminder that I need to let up on life, be in the moment and release.
I want to get a little bit into my personal life right now, purely because I have had a HUGE learning curve from these past few months and would love to share it with you. This past year has been the start of major growth for myself, looking back I believe that I spiritually awakened back in 2012 after leaving my husband and my older 2's dad. I was at the lowest part of my life and felt like I was crawling myself out of this black hole, leaving behind a life, habits, thoughts and a lifestyle that no longer served me. I worked through the darkest days of my life, no knowing what was happening and to be honest, I dealt with it in a not so positive way. The weekends where my children would be staying with their dad, I spent drinking and using any tool available to mask what was happening and keep my mind anywhere else except for in the present. Fast forward a year and I met a wonderful man, who I instantly knew, but had no idea how I knew him. The pull towards him was very intense but in the most calm way, like I knew I would spend my life with him. Immediately I saw my future, my home.
Fast forward again to around March this year, after a few years of very intense healing for both of us and a beautiful little girl arriving who brought with her the need for 2 parents to up their spiritual game without even realising what was happening, I felt a strong urge of needing answers on my life. I had been living through a relationship that to everyone else look like a train wreck. To us no matter what happened or what came up, no matter how far apart we were our love never stopped, never lessened.
I decided to reach out to a psychic and ask for answers. The answers I got were a mixed bag. Some resonated, some didn't. I decided to take their every word and move on with life, leaving behind the man who I could never stop loving, in hope that someone knew would eventually come along like I had been told. I stayed so attached to these words, even though they felt off. I reached out to 2 more different psychic's who gave me 2 more different answers. Boy was I confused! I ended up on an emotional rollercoaster with someone who I had been asking for because someone else had told me this is who I needed in my life. Something always felt off, I found myself checking for any signs of validation, making stories up in my head to make pieces fit together, when honestly I don't think they were ever meant to fit together.
So, instead I took it upon myself to check in with my own feelings, to follow my heart and see where it lead me. After a while something became very clear in my head, my heart and my soul. I had ran away from a man who I was meant to be with, to find external happiness from anything other then myself. Another bout of escapism from my life, and my reality. A pattern that kept coming back around for me. I decided it was time to take charge of my own happiness and start living life following my heart whilst practicing non-attachment.
Sometimes life has to get real loud, real in your face and completely pick apart your life, so you can really face what is coming up for you. I had to learn to long way round to take control of my life, stop looking for external sources for answers because I have every single answer for me and my life within myself. I have also learnt that my ego's version of perfect doesn't exist and that living a life of non-attachment has helped me gently tell my ego, thank you for trying to protect me, to plan every single detail, cross every T and dot every I, but when it comes to living a happy life, I need to let go of that control and just let it be.
I want to take a moment to thank each and every one of you who reads my blog. I have found sharing my experiences, my lessons and my heart is what makes me happy and I am so grateful that you take time out of your life to be a part of it.
All my love.
J xXx